


No time left

by Kyzy



Category: League of Legends
Genre: M/M, Violence Warning, a lil fluff before the angst, disturbing imagery warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:21:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24632239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kyzy/pseuds/Kyzy
Summary: Time seemed to move so slowly when their hands were interlocked, but the moment they parted the world seemed to crack and crumble as hours rolled into days that rolled into months. If Runeterra would allow it, time would no longer flow, and they could stay caught against each other for as long as they wanted.But time was not on their side.
Relationships: Shen/Zed (League of Legends)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42





	1. The sunlight shone

**Author's Note:**

> so let me get this out of the way before everything;
> 
> IF YOU CONSIDER THE COMIC (ZED) TO BE ABSOLUTE CANON YOU MAY NOT LIKE THIS.
> 
> screw the comics, ill write my own depictions! >:O  
> anyhow, kusho is a villain to me. always sort of has been, even before that comic  
> kusho's coldness towards his own son couldn't have been a mere recent thing (in that comic, he didn't even care if shen died and dismissed him as being his son in favor for zed). I dont believe that he was ever /really/ a caring father to either of them.  
> like, if he was actually a good parent, his sons wouldnt be so........ uhhhhhh (and it is WAY too easy and boring to say 'JHIN DID IT ALL)  
> its clear shen has issues in canon that far surpass the eye of twilight part of his story, unless you want to see him as a two dimensional 'caught between worlds' char and then never emphasize /why/ he's caught between them. it just 'feels' too flat. he was a person before the title.  
> everyone knows zed has issues anyway so :P  
> i still have to accept the comic as canon, so i tried to bend it a little.  
> (looks at Mayym) (strangles self) STOP TYPING STUFF HERE  
> IM JUST SAYIN, LEAGUE IS HEAVILY LACKING IN GOOD PARENT FIGURES  
> anyhow ill stop trying to explain myself LOLOL
> 
> this will have /three/ parts to it. o/  
> (because i gotta steal these boys happiness from them for the sweet angst tm)  
> so have fun reading my interpretation of them before things get bad :D

* * *

“You… need to cut your hair.”

“No I don’t.”

Both of Shen’s hands reached up to gently sit upon the others crown for but a fragment of a second before tussling the long, milk colored tresses of the others hair. Govos felt a lazy smirk overcoming him, knowing that the other was very much _right_ , but rather fancying his new look…

… Save for the part where he could only see half of the time.

At eighteen years old, Govos and the soon-to-be nineteen year old Shen had snuck off in the dizzying haze of summer to sheer themselves of chores, if only for the briefest of hours. Their laboring at the floors had been speedy and had guaranteed them to be free of Kusho’s scolding, but it had left the two breathless and aching with their tireless scuttling about the monastery. Now… now was the time to relax against the damsel-flowers and bright lights that danced about them in the form of bugs slowly riding the breeze. In that decaying sunshine, those who were looked upon as ‘brothers’ by those on the outside were sitting with the older ones back against a tree, and the younger ones head in his lap-- ha. ‘Brothers’.

Surely none of them knew of the small servant boy's passion for he who he could never have, having once been resigned to a life where he knew he would only know the other as an object of his fleeting glances. A mythical creature. A sight to behold. One with status that far eclipsed his, an orphan keeping his way by cleaning gardens or sweeping the floors of spaces barely walked upon. No, Govos was no worthy suitor for anyone, just a decrepit weakling who had no real value anywhere else, for though he could read (somewhat) the young male knew not how to write beyond his own name and slept in servants quarters. He had no real home of his own either. This elevated the male with the strange blue gaze that he always saw working out in the courtyard into something worth capturing with his tired eyes… like seeing a single painted flower amongst a world of gray.

But Shen never looked his way.

When he had been taken under Kusho’s wing, when he had been settled beside the other and then shared that same status as the other, Govos had at first been nervous above all. The boy was unused to being tutored, unused to having his own bedroom or even being paid the limited amount of attention he received-- and they showered words upon him like ‘gifted’, and ‘talented’ and deep down a part of him writhed for more. More attention, more _affection_ , more people to show him that his miserable life’s start had been _just_ a start! That he was destined for greater things…! But no matter how much they trained together, no matter how much Govos tried to work the boy known as Shen out, he could not pin him down. Couldn’t read him as he could read others, almost as if that flower, upon closer inspection, was made of naught but stone. But one day within those early days Govos had stared directly and unflinchingly at Shen, and they shared a brief showdown of a stare before the younger male realized…

… That Shen was _sheltered._ Shy. Quiet. Couldn’t even hold a gaze with someone that was as unremarkable as he was. When in front of others he did a good enough show of trying to act like he had a rambunctious character and a can-do attitude, but when they were left alone to dwell in the shadows at nighttime Shen never said a word. Barely smiled. This was a boy that had everything a peasant like Govos could ever desire and yet, critically alone within these large stone walls, the son of the master was desperate for anyone, _anything_ to reach out to him and make him feel… wanted, too. And so Govos did.

_“You don’t talk much, Shen.”_

_“...”_ Shen spared him a glance that fell away after a second or two. _“I have nothing to talk about, Govos.”_

 _“... Yes you do.”_ The aforementioned male gave an unsteady sigh as he ran his nails against his arm, faltering somewhat in the face of the others seriousness. _“Well… it’s raining, right? That is… your favorite weather.”_

 _“What?”_ The speed of Shen’s remark seemed to alarm them both, as both boys became wide eyed. _“How… do you know that?”_

 _“Because whenever it is raining you sit at your quarters window and stare out a lot… I used to work even in the rain,”_ The white haired youth was a tad flustered, _“So I saw you staring a lot. You looked peaceful.”_

 _“... But... I like sunny weather the most.”_ Shen admitted with furrowed brows, perplexed by the others words. _“I was… staring at _you_ , not the rain… I didn’t like that you were outside. It must have been... cold._”

_“You were… staring at… me?”_

Ah, it had suddenly felt like flowers blossoming behind the young Zed’s ribs.

From then on, Shen was a lot less cold and stoic around him, quite often sparing Govos smiles and even taunting him in fights from time to time, and their laughter and excitement was only ever culled by the harsh snappings of Kusho who reminded the teenagers that they were not _supposed_ to be having fun. They were training to be _ninja’s_ after all, but their relationship tumbled into something complicated fast-- and it was all that man’s fault. That same man who had always seemed to meet him with a loving and caring smile was wearing but a mask and nothing more, for that niceness could be ripped away from his expression at the snap of a finger… and usually did so whenever Shen ambled his way shyly into the picture. Govos noticed very quickly that master Kusho paid very little attention to Shen and a fair bit more to he, a boy who he had picked up from poverty to dump squarely into luxury. Whenever Kusho was talking prospects it was always his name mentioned, and whenever they were sparring the master was far more critical of Shen then he ever was of Govos. Of course, pushed to his brink, the masters son had outburst his feelings one day at his father, who simply replied-

_“If you were more like Govos, I would not need to correct you.”_

It could have spawned seeds of hatred in Shen for his closest friend… but it didn’t. The dislodging of the star pupil from his pedestal had not shaken their bond; it only served to push them closer together, into a space where they both confided and shared everything with one another. Together they settled their fears, spoke of their wants, and spent every day trying to become better than they were the day before. Two bedrooms turned to one. Two beds turned to one. They fast became inseparable as the world looked onwards, Kusho never using the word _’brothers’_ , but others adopting it out of the sheer fact that they were almost bound at the hip.

The two came to terms that their feelings had exceeded familial long ago, and at first it was terrifying and felt _wrong_ \-- taboo, almost-- but the warmth they held for each other in their hearts was unmoving to the gale of fear that was the opinion of others. They were raised as students and nothing more by a man who lacked the emotional capacity to spare even an ounce of love for the one he had raised since birth, not now there was another to gaze at. How could they ever be brothers if their father only loved _one_ of them? How could they ever be brothers when their ‘parent’ figure left one crying alone at night with only the other to comfort him? In the moonlight Shen had wept so quietly it was barely heard,

_“... He doesn’t love me any more.”_

_“He… he loves you. He does.”_

_“And what if you’re wrong!? What if he doesn’t!?”_

_“W… well… **I** love you… so even if he doesn’t, you still have me, all right?”_

Govos suddenly snapped to attention when Shen fisted his hair loosely and began to tug on it with a pout upon his lips, causing the younger male to caterwaul wordlessly just a little. Instead of using phrases he had become quite accustomed to simply making noises to get the depth of his feelings across.

“You were not paying attention to a word I said…” The words fell upon him as a sigh, and the awkward smile that Govos peered up with was comical.

“... No.”

“Govos.”

 _“Govos.”_ The white haired youth mocked the depth of Shen’s tone, raising his hands to capture the sides of the others jaw playfully. _“Cut your hair, or the enemy will grab you in battle.”_

“... I do not sound like that.” Indignantly spoken, trying not to let the edges of his lips furl into a smile as he suddenly raised a pair of garden shears out of _nowhere_. The rough pads of the others fingertips quickly left him as the easily startled Govos suddenly sat up straight with a moonlike stare.

“You… are not cutting my hair with those.” They were semi-rusted, dull in the light, and though they were free of plant matter they only looked fit enough to cut down new-growth at best!

And yet, Shen’s expression didn’t change.

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No!”

“ _Yes!”_

Though only a year apart, Shen was far heavier and more roundly built than his lithe companion. It was far too easy for him to grapple the other with one hand about that slim waist to drag him back onto his lap as Govos flailed, trying to rid himself of the others crushing hold. Looking very much like a manhandled cat, said male began to mewl pitifully,

“Ahhh, too strong...” Huffing and snorting in the others grasp as his attempts to escape were just as weak as his initial ones! Why, with all the movement, Govos now effectively could only see half of the world and perhaps lamented a little that the other had a _point_ as such. Because of this he remained perched upon his seat, feigning a scowl of sorts. “... Fine.”

“I knew you would eventually see things my way…”

Perhaps it was the warmth of the others lap that aided in the deal, or the fussy affection that his lover seemed to quietly emit whenever he was tending to his scruffy boyfriend. There was unfathomable focus in Shen’s eyes that were ever so dear, for they were not hard or stony in their laser-sight training upon the task at hand but… rather like the shallows of a river waxing and waning with a current. Soft. Caring. Every inch of his being was poured into trying not to injure the other with the oversized scissors as Govos watched threads of his hair fall in thick furls about them, like heavy snow in winter. He had lost his ponytail long ago when it had first gotten snatched in a fight, and now, slowly but surely, the sun was once again able to capture the darling scarlet of his curious gaze once more. Shen stopped for just a moment, simply to admire those eyes.

“Hmmm,” His rumblings shook the other, “I am not done… but I am liking this better already.”

White hair, red eyes; such an oddity was the man before him, but now that the light could finally lighten the edges of the others pupils Shen observed the deepest shades of pink that lingered there… how he loved that part of him the most. Naturally, with Zed peering upwards and Shen gazing downward, the two were lost in a bout of absolute silence. That was ok. They often were, for it took a few moments sometimes for the emotionally charged Govos and the emotionally stunted Shen to realize that they were, in fact, lost deeply in a loved ones stare. It was broken by he who always broke the silence, a tender kiss placed coyly upon the younger mans cheek; which always caused said man to seize up and shiver in boyish delight.

“Do not… be cute,” Govos whispered shyly, oh, how he knew not how to deal with such things! Kissing someone! All these years and he was a _man_ now, and how hard it still seemed…! Closing his eyes he gave the other a kiss back against his jaw with the bridge of his nose crinkled, looking utterly ridiculous in the process. It caused Shen to begin to chuckle loudly, which only served to further deepen the red that was already scrawled across the young Zed’s face.

“But… you are so cute.” Shen said plainly, as if it was fact that it could not be contended with. None would dare, for this was a man who had an answer for everything. “Now, stop _distracting_ me…”

“But I was just looking at you.”

“Yes… and that is _distracting._ ”

Now vocally restricted and submissive to his lover, Govos waited patiently in silence with his gaze now upon the swaying grasses at the others hip instead. Part of him wished to take those shears and have a go at the others hair playfully, but Shen was very serious when it came to his hair stylings; currently it was shaved at either sides and short atop, almost mohawk-like in appearance. There was nothing much _to_ shear-- that and the fact he would be tossed as easily as a paper ball if the other so wished it was what kept him still as the last parts of his unruly mop were cleaved from his head. A moment of silence befell them again in which the younger man knew that he was being inspected like a prized cockerel at a farm… and then a diligent nodding of Shen’s head was his quiet approval.

“All right. You may go.”

Govos’s hand rose to quietly pinch at the others cheek as his expression became perplexed at the motion.

“Yes, master.”

“... I told you not to call me that.”

“Then why don’t you stop bossing me around then, hm?”

If Govos was an idiot at manners of hard physical affection, such as kissing or hugging, then Shen was the moron at casual ones. As such it always took the now fluffy-haired younger one to initiate contact no matter how fleeting it may be, and the other to end it with something passionate and entirely heartfelt. Such was not the time for more heavier affairs however, for Govos’s playfulness was like an addiction that Shen could not ignore, it spread through him like a fever and caused the ever so reserved man to open up-- he did this by _shoving_ Govos so far off of his legs that the other tumbled head over heel for a moment before sitting up in the grass!

“Play nicely!” Came the retort, and springing with a remarkable amount of height he intended to crash himself into the other… and instead was grabbed by those arms again-- of course he knew he’d be grabbed. That is why he jumped in the first place.

“ _You_ play nicely,” Shen whispered against the others throat in a sweet kiss there, huddling the other close against his chest. “You jump me like a feral animal as if I am but prey…”

“Is there anything wrong with being _my_ prey?” Snickered breathily as he, once again, made absolutely no effort to be free of the others cuddling. Instead he straddled Shen’s thighs, the unbowing of the others head making their noses touch.

“That is… oddly provocative, for _you._ ” The capturer remarked gruffly; that only served to fizzle the others temporary cool facade. There was only a brief moment of stuttering before he replied,

“ _Prey_ , Shen. Like a hound to a rat.” His hands spanned the others pectorals, “Or a spider to a fly.”

“So you compare me to a fly or a rat, now… how… insulting.” Govos knew Shen well enough to know this tone, no matter how serious, was actually in jest and that there would be no trouble afoot-- except for when there was! “Well, my love, even _rats_ bite back.”

Funnily enough it was Govos that gave a squeak as the others heavy head bore down against the junction of his throat and shoulder, giving him sweet little nibbles that would leave no marks… but it was ever so _ticklish_! Now _squirming_ in spot and trying to push the other away, Govos began his noisy baying with a hand gently batting at the others skull--

“You _stupid_ man!” Barked out playfully, “R-release me at once!”

“Where is the fun in that…?” His lips were flush against pale skin, “If I am to be but prey to such a _dangerous_ predator then, in return for my life, I shall show you my fangs--”

“Do _not_ hit me metaphorically with anything about balance, Shen!”

These were the only times where they were allowed to act silly, out of the eye-line of others, where the baring of their futures were not weighing so heavily upon them. With childhoods lost to politics and poverty, the candid moments of happiness they shared were enthralling to them both as moments that they wished could never end. But… all good things had to end. Stationed against the other with his hand running through the short line of Shen’s hair, Govos’s eyes scanned the horizon for a black dot which he knew to be a scout out looking for them. They were a long sprint away and heading in the wrong direction, and that caused him to smirk ever so gently.

“It is time to go back.” The man commented, tipping his skull against the other’s shoulder gently. His lover gave an audible, annoyed grumble, meeting that fluffy crown with his face as he buried it against the others locks.

“Time is ever so fleeting.” Shen’s curled arm around Govos’s waist tightened ever so gently despite the males words. “... And I do not wish to move.”

“... Shen…”

If only he could spend hours reveling in the warmth of the others breath against his skin. If only that strong, secure hold at his middle that left him feeling like the most important man in the world could last but a few moments longer. His cheek rubbed tenderly against the others shoulder as he gave a great sigh, extending a hand to gently run against the seams of the others pants in a half pat, half stroke of sorts... If only. They were to be dragged back to the monastery and possibly scolded for staying out as twilight befell Runeterra whilst being asked critically, about what they were doing. It would all be lies, gathering, meditating, sparring, anything but the tender truth. Such was the life of those hiding their love in the shadows.

Untangling themselves from each other with each giving a gentle sigh, they came to a stand just as the black clad scout reached the foot of the hill, only able to see the tops of their heads as he seemed to almost scramble up the bank. The two didn’t know that the message he bore would be one that would change their lives forever, it’s sounding in the air causing them both to catch each other’s gaze with an unmeasured amount of fear... they knew not awaited them towns over, where the hills were not speckled with glowing insects and swaying wild grass. They were sticky and thick with blood and bone.

A demon was to steal everything they had.

* * *


	2. And the rain did pour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING; i toned down the violence a lot in this chapter, but there are still some graphic descriptions because jhin's work is involved!! ALSO CLEAR TRAUMATIC HAPPENINGS AHEAD!!  
> part two of three, the beginning of the collapse of zed and shens relationship,  
> they are still young and are being pushed to an edge they never even knew existed.  
> i mostly set out with this fic to show how much has changed between the past and the present, ie zed being affectionate and adoring contact and turning into what kusho wanted shen to be-- stony and cold  
> and shen turning from playful, silly and clingy to being someone who spends a lot of time absolutely alone, struggling to control his wild emotions
> 
> ps; last part of the chapter takes place before they go on their jhin hunt, about three years in the past from the rest of the chapter.  
> e-enjoy?  
> :D;;

The world felt like it was falling to pieces… and no matter how much he tried to hold those fragments together they were slipping like sand through the spaces betwixt his fingers.

It had been six months since the beginning of the investigation into the ‘Golden demon’. At first it had seemed like an adventure where they could hail themselves as heroes if they caught the culprit; but they did not catch them. Any time the demon seemed within their grasps the trail went cold, clues dissolved into nothingness, and in the wake of the creatures actions lay a string of dead bodies contorted against the weeds and mud. Perhaps it was fitting that Kusho could stand to see such depravity with a stoney face, but those boys… oh, how those boys _suffered._

In a run-down inns guest house they sat surrounded by stone walls, rain pattering against old windows barely fitting their wooden frames. There were no candles lit, no light save for the bleakness of the moon muddied by clouds, and Shen was trying with all his might not to _quake_ at the sound of his partner sat beside him… but every breathy whine of distress sent arrows lancing through his chest, filling up the spaces in between his ribs until breathing felt like inhaling glass. Dragging the blanket they shared further over Govos’s lap with trembling fingers, he heard that same pitched whisper ask him;

“I… I d-do not know if I can take it anymore!”

Shen bit his lip but let no words fall from his mouth, knowing that if he dared to speak that that same terrifying sadness would be prevalent in his own tone-- and that simply could not _be._ He was next in line for the role of the ‘Eye of Twilight’, he had to be a mountain in the storm, unyielding and unbowing to anything that dared to pit itself against him! That is what his father had said to him in an emotionless snap, words fringed by accusation that he was _not_ living up to the mantle he was to assume, and in that cold and frightening moment he had snatched away Shen’s ability to smile and laugh and joke and feel like he was still free to act _human_. The world seemed so black and white now, so segmented in what was right or wrong or good or bad that even his lover now gazed at him strangely sometimes… but this was how it was supposed to be.

He was not born to have any other fate, after all.

In a moment like this could he throw those values to the wind for the sake of his quivering soulmate, wild eyes filled with the hauntings of people long gone? Would it be a step in the wrong direction, a downward spiral of all his teachings until he was left with naught to believe in? Tentatively his worn hand reached out, fingertips dashing against the back of Govos’s hand in a small effort to bring him comfort-- but the moment he was touched the pale-haired man snatched said hand away as if burned suddenly by fire.

“Don’t, Shen.” Almost _spat_ , “You cannot even shed a tear for the dead, can you?!”

“I… I must remain strong,” The older man stammered, pale blue eyes failing to stay captured by the others gaze, “You of all people… you know what that means--”

“Where is the _equilibrium_ in any of this!?”

Govos _yelled_ , hands furling against the stone and grinding against already worn, chipped nails, the volume so startling that Shen almost flinched away from him with a submissive glint to his eyes. That was a question he could not answer. The sight of Govos’s gaunt, dirty face, the haggard lengths of his hair sticking to tear stained cheeks and the vividness of his eyes once again brought Shen back to his childhood; back to a time where he could not look the other in the eyes. It would have perhaps been easy for him to feel anger at the others tone, but he felt no anger. Even if his emotions were allowed to run free he would never feel anger towards his Govos, a man filled to the brink with feeling, a man whose heart was so large that he would grieve for every twisted body that they came upon.

Feeling his heart beat faster the master's son linked his fingers together and tried desperately to hide the fact that every muscle in his body had begun to _tremble_ with repressed feeling for oh, he was not immune to the horrors! He was _not_ immune to the way their teeth shone in the light against grey gums, mouths twisted open in horror-- not immune to the sickening spread of their insides fly-heavy against their precious earth-- it was simply that he had to pretend _not_ to be. Deep down there was a black pit, a well that he dragged these terrifying emotions over to and drowned in those waters not only to keep himself _sane_ but to keep himself on _track_ to fulfilling his destiny--

But something was _wrong._

That well had seemed bottomless at the beginning of his training, but now the water was rising and overflowing and Shen didn’t know how to stop the onslaught of _feeling_ that was beginning to collide with him every night--

Dead bodies.

One, two, three, four.

And they were all so _young_ \--

“Govos you _know_ how I must be!” Desperation suddenly became apparent as the older man’s voice suddenly echo’d off the walls. “What would you ask of me? Despair? Anger?”

“Something, _anything_ \--”

“ _Enough._ ”

The door had been flung open, and the voice of Kusho sounded loudly; in alarm the two men immediately shifted into a seated bow, heads held low, avoiding that icy, emotionless stare that they knew would be baring down upon them. In that same distant tone,

“I know… it is hard. But we must endure for the peoples of Ionia; that is our role as the Kinkou.” It came softer now, but there was still not a lick of conceivable sadness in that in that voice. “You _must_ endure.”

“Yes, master.”

“Yes, master.”

“... Good.” A lofty sigh as the door begun to close again, “Please lessen your voices… there are other tenants here sleeping.”

And with a click, he was gone.

For the longest time neither Shen nor Govos moved from where they sat slumped in that pale moonlight. The pouring of rain mingling with their soft breathing and the rolling of soft thunder afar became their white noise, reminiscent of the stormy atmosphere within the room. Shen did not know if he had the energy within him to simply lay there and stare upon the stone any longer, did not know if he could handle hearing the catching of the others breath in his throat for much more. He was a snarling thing kept in a cage bound by chains of steel, clattering against the bars with fangs and claws. If he was to set himself free he would fail at his birth-right, no longer suitable for his fathers role, a shame to his family and friends… but if the man kept himself locked up he would have to endure this _pain_ that drove him to want to _scream_ \-- Shen would fail at being _human._

Govos was losing himself again. Every moment he spent trying not to pant with anxiety saw beads of sweat rolling down his face as if suddenly flung beneath the heat of the sun, unable to point out which way to go. Those bones quivered and the chords of his neck pulled taught under the weight of the stress thrust upon them, and he knew if he was not under instructions to remain in the room at all costs (and if he didn’t care about Shen so much) that the white haired male would simply run away to return in the morning. His outlet for anger was nature itself, throwing rocks and crunching his knuckles against trees, often returning home with blood and bruises dashing color against his skin… but now, restrained here, he was but a caged animal too.

Shen leaned back against the wall slowly with his pale blue eyes turned to the back of his lovers head and, with large arms reaching forth, slowly grabbed Govos by his waist to drag him into his lap as if the other weighed absolutely nothing. Doll like, Govos did not resist. He was jostled into the gap of the others now crossed legs and hugged tightly, the older man’s chin finding its way to nestle atop his partners head as he inhaled the familiar scent of his best friend and soulmate, finding meager peace within it. When he spoke then, though it was calm, his arms about the ever drew him evermore closer.

“... Can you feel my heart racing, Govos?” Whispered against white fronds, “I have been there through every horror you have… you are not alone. My fingers quiver, and my dreams… I no longer have dreams.”

_I can’t-- No!_

He told himself internally, feeling the beginning of tears line his eyes as he attempted to swallow down what was raw sorrow rising within him-- but their last moments must have been _terrible_. Calling out for none that could hear, robbed from their families and tormented till their souls left this world. Their families would know no peace, and they could not be shown justice… for there could be no sentence in the world by any court that would salve the terrifying images of their mothers and daughters and fathers and brothers and grandparents and _beyond_ torn apart in empty spaces or bound together by rope. They bulged. Rotted. Pieces hung from them like torn paper. Govos felt Shen’s jaw trembling against his skull and immediately sought out the others hands, holding them both in his own.

“I know… I know. I am… sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I said.” Came the whisper from below as Govos himself tried to stay composed, thumb running back and forth against the other. “I went too far.”

“I am not angry at you.” Gentle, shaky reassurance, “This monster is taking us, piece by piece… but father is right; we must endure for the people.”

“But we are running out of time. How long will it take before… before…”

“Before…?”

“... Before we run out of pieces to be stolen? Before it kills _us_ , too…?”

The warm water of Govos’s tears came softly against his skin, and with them came a similar warmth at the younger ninja’s crown. Shen did not want to cry for he knew it was against the rules laid upon him by Kusho, but though he did not sob or weep he could not stop them coming regardless. They slid like the new rain against the rocks, slowly and thickly but soundlessly to stain his cheeks, and in that moment the idea that this would kill them both became realer than ever-- it would not be the blades or bombs or any other weapon that would destroy them… it would be the sadness. It would be the bodies, the caterwauling of young children, the screaming of the adults. It would be every single dead end they came across in their endless searching and every town that called them over, begging in the dirt for their help.

Wordlessly Govos bought Shen’s hand to his lips to kiss his knuckles gently, afraid of how terribly those hands shook in his grip. The master's son blinked away his tears in response, ducking his head to press a kiss in return chastely against his lovers temple,

“I… I will do, everything in my power to keep you safe, Govos.” His voice was strangled by love and sadness, his thoughts about restraint slowly slipping away from him, “I will not let you f-fall to this.”

“I will be with you every s-, step of the way.”

“Together… together we… we can do this… we will not die, we… we will _not_ die.”

“S-Shen… _Shen…_ ”

Whined, _wept_ , the young Zed crumbled against him with sobs wracking his body as he cried into the cloth at the other man’s chest in such a weak manner that Shen felt his heart immediately pulled in two-- and his own breath faltered, and his own body failed him. With fat tears now rolling aggressively from his eyes the Kinkou’s next leader gave a short whimper and held Govos as close as he could, surrounding the others body with himself until his entire front was warmed by everything that the other was.

“I-I promise, I _promise,_ ” Hissed through gritted teeth, “Govos, y-you are my _everything_ , and… and by the sun and stars I will _not_ let them h-have you.”

“My, my world, Shen; if you are not in this world, I-I will follow you into death.” Came the almost soundless reply, “A-And I promise you that in return.”

They were two men, twenty and twenty one years old, huddling together in a cold damp room, feeling as if the walls were slowly collapsing in on them. Desperately in love and hopelessly tracking the tail of a monster, as the night wore on neither of them had let sleep wash over them, instead attempting to bring themselves comfort in the others arms. When day broke the rain still poured, their trekking had been as awful as ever, and the sight they had come across caused them both to freeze in their tracks.

A family bent backed in the dirt, before a tree of hanged young bodies, one, two, three, four.

Their legs were teased by the wind as they swung with tassels of red and gold at their throats, each line strung from one child to another, their faces red with their own blood as tiny chimes about their wrists sounded noisily.

Govos doubled suddenly as he heaved violently, Shen standing beside him without a single muscle twitching as his pupils shrank upon the sight. His father was watching. He had to be motionless, had to be that mountain, had to be the eye of Twilight. Back and forth his gaze flitted across those lost young lives swaying, facial muscles contorted in obvious fear as their family suddenly spun wildly to grovel at their feet for help, _any_ kind of help they could offer. With bile hanging from his mouth he heard Govos growl so hopelessly, so heart-breakingly that he feared some kind of weapon had suddenly struck the others heart… and it had. It couldn’t be seen… but it was there.

With anguish, with anger, his yell echoed across the fields;

“We’re… running out of time!!”

* * *

Govos tumbled with a loud ‘ACK’ against their shared mattress on the floor, the stronger and heavier Shen pinning him with a wicked smirk upon his face and his usually neat hair escaping in curls about the unshaved line of his head. Growling playfully and wriggling in the younger males grasp, the white haired man suddenly barked out--

“Stop it, Shen-- we have to get ready to pack--” A muffled whine out as his lover brought his lips down upon his to smother the sound, forceful and passionate. Though Govos would allow a grumble to roll about his throat he stopped his wriggling to enjoy the warmth of the others mouth against his… and when they broke, breathless, his face was scrawled in scarlet.

“Shen!”

“Say it. Say it _now_ ,” Came the demanding tone from above! “Or we will be scolded for not being at the door on time.”

The young Zed’s eyes slid to the side, that ruby gaze catching the pillows beside him.

“Fine… I admit it. I _do_ take up more of the bed than you do.” An agitated sigh, “But I do not love you, because you are a mean and callous man-- _Shen!_ ”

A sudden flurry of kisses had assaulted the smaller males neck, and with a yap of surprise he squirmed and snickered and desperately attempted to out-power the other… but to no success!

“ _Fine!_ I love you! And…”

The kissing stopped, Shen un-ducked his head and gazed down at him with round eyes that were always a brilliant sky blue.

“... And?”

“And… I am going to love you forever and ever, my heartlight, my soulmate, the counter-weight to the scales of my exista--”

A pillow smacked him gently on the face.

“You are a rambling fool…!”

Shen side-rolled away and turned to attempt to flee the mattress, but where he had strength his partner had speed-- it took less than an instant for Govos to spring up and collide with the others back, arms and legs furled around him tightly! Hanging on for dear life and expecting the master’s son to crush him against the ground in another roll, Govos was pleasantly surprised to find his lover instead simply collapsed onto his side with a short burst of laughter. Cuddling up to his back with his face between Shen’s shoulder blades the man whispered sweetly,

“A fool am I…? A fool that could not exist in a world without you.”

There was a great sigh, but it wasn’t of exasperation. Those sweet words always coo’d to him gripped him deeply within, flooding him with waves of affection that simply had to be entertained any time the other was feeling cuddly. Not that he _ever_ took a time out from entertaining Govos... as long as that man was conscious, Shen could be found in his sights. In a quiet voice back, Shen whispered,

“My sun and stars… _my_ rambling fool…”

“I compare you to the light of my life, and you would call me a fool in return?”

“... Perhaps.”

“Well,” Zed smiled against his skin, eyes shutting in contentment as he wound their legs together, “Where is the equilibrium in _that_?

* * *


	3. And the dark came for all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO HERE WE GO.
> 
> ill try and talk little here or ill go on and on.  
> in this fantasy land, where i try to adhere to canon as well as making zedxshen an actual thing, i absolutely blame kushos shit 'pretend you killed me' plan for the reason that shen and zed arent together AND YOU CANNOT STOP ME OHOHOH  
> its the main source of shens anger towards zed, so  
> yet this doesnt mean he has ever stopped loving him, however.  
> and zed himself never forgives kusho for this stupid ass plot that drove him and shen away in the first place. 
> 
> as shen said, 
> 
> “You and I have given so much to this world… and it shall take from us still, in the way of blood and love.”
> 
> hope you enjoy the last part of my lore bending shenzed saga (CRIES)!!!

“S… so it is to be betrayal, then.”

Shen’s fingers curled against his chest as the color ran from his face, and the ever nearing grip of winter manifested itself in his blood. There was scarcely time to blink, to breathe, to think as sapphire eyes followed Usan’s staggering backwards against the mud.

“I had to do this, Shen. I must save Ionia--”

“And so y-you would put Ionia first, before all,” A whisper, almost lost to the breeze. “My duty and our love… does it all mean nothing now in the shadow of Ionia’s war? Did we not speak words of unwavering love to each other…?”

Zed’s face contorted into something both ugly and broken at once, his hands held against each other, ruby eyes glistening with so much emotion that it was almost as if Jhin hadn’t stolen it all away in the years prior. There was something unspoken, something that made Shen creak with apprehension as his own gaze began to fold beneath the weight of the silence.

“You’ll never forgive me, Shen…” A flinch at the bending of a tree overhead, it’s wirely branches twisted by the passing storm, “You’ll… never forgive me for what I’ve done.”

* * *

He felt like he was blooming beneath the sun-light, haloed in carnations the shades of a pastel rainbow… but the celebratory nature of the meeting could not bring forth joy in those tired eyes. The blossoming within him was sinister and dark; not even the tipping of his head upwards by the tanned fingers of his lover, raising his head so that the only shadows to befall him were that of his fringe, could summon a smile upon that worn out face. A beat of silence, a mournful look shared, and the gentle falling of that hand that had touched him so.

“We caught him… and yet you cannot smile.” Shen’s voice rose above the rolling wind tumbling down the hillside, his own expression complex and contorted by a ferocious sort of sadness that was declawed by his own restraint. “I know you are not happy--”

“Not _happy_...?” Red eyes flared with something foreign, something strange. “We let a mass murderer live because of your father’s _philosophy?_ ”

Shen moved to curl his fingers against his lap, the pink carnation that had been tucked behind his ear falling silently to the ground before him.

“There will be no peace for those who have lost their family.” Usan saw every intake of breath Shen took, every twitching of his mouth and moved to interject before the other man could get a single word in. “No justice for a man that tore Ionia apart with his hands and knives and _foreign_ tools… for he would enjoy the _safety_ of Tuula while the land still lays wet with their blood. To think, he lives while they are gone… it disgusts me… it _moves_ me in ways that I cannot describe.”

“Please, Usan…” It was… tentative, the way the Kinkou’s heir sought to replace the flowers snug against the others white hair, wary of the other’s reaction. “It has troubled me too; but please remember… you would not seek to cut the cloth of a ruined painting to simply hide a mistake; you work… and you toil… and perhaps the picture will become whole once again--”

“Ionia is **not** a _painting!!_ ”

The smaller man’s outburst saw Shen’s hand retracting suddenly as his cool gaze swept about the wild eyes of his lover, the way his teeth gnashed together, the way his breath came in snorts and his nails drove themselves against the earth.

“Ionia is a _place_ inhabited by _people_ Shen, people whose bodies and minds have been _broken_ by a monster!! A painting does not _weep_ , a painting does not _bleed_ , you _cannot_ hang the lives of others up against metaphors and metaphysical tales of old!!”

“... Usan?”

The way his name was breathed made him stop the rolling of his growling tone, but it did nothing to rid his body of tension. The assassin knew if he were to gaze upwards in that moment he would meet gentle eyes that wished for his peace, for they were supposed to be healing under the sun… but he had been bent, broken, cast into the fire and smouldered anew; and his spirit still _burned_. No stuffing of herbs down his throat nor medicated showers could heal what could not be touched deep within, for the body and the mind simply were not feverish with the same sort of sickness. Even if he could be brought staggering back into peak condition, a condition that did not see his ribs so hard against his skin or see his skin almost completely lacking in color, this was simply a healing of the body. Scars could fade.

What he saw… would _not._

He felt the slipping of warm fingers against his own and tried his best not to yank his hand clean away from the man he had once spoke words of undying love to, a man whom he loved more than living itself… but a man who was _complicit_ in the imprisonment of that scraggly, ghastly creature that had haunted them both. When rose-colored eyes fell upon Shen he felt a war between his heart and mind rage in a manner akin to the battlefields, bloody and roaring with the agony of a thousand men. Love wished to win. Love wished to take him in its warm embrace and whisper that everything was alright, that no more would they quiver in the mud after tracks half faded by rainfall-- but anger was a beast forged from the cries of children _robbed_ of their lives, the wheezing of elders at the funerals of their babies.

“I am… not saying what has come to pass is right, Usan.” Shen’s voice came lowly, almost fringed with his own kind of resentment, the quiet, soleful kind. “I am saying that it is not our decision. We could debate the matter too and fro, we could both go to our master and _beg_ that this decision is overturned; but nothing will come of it. As such, nothing will come of dwelling upon it, either… only more pain. Now, all we can do is seek to rationalize it.”

“You follow him submissively; you hide your distaste, your passion and your anger because you wish to be like him… and he, he is--”

“The Eye of Twilight.”

“-- An _enabler_ of _cruelty_ and an advocate of murder, ready to throw Ionian lives away for the _sake_ of his own convictions.”

As Shen watched the other’s hand once again snap away from his, he watched with a baleful gaze as something had almost certainly started within Usan that he could not stop. He could not simply fling his arms about the other and attempt to soothe the fires within just as he could not stop smoke and ash from pouring out the others mouth like a monster ready to set the world alight. If he could not argue with his father, if he not sate the terror of Usan’s anger and could not tread both paths in harmony… then what could he _do_? Sit there and wait for the inevitable? No, Shen was not a stupid man; he was not someone who lived in the moment and waited for the future to spring up around him.

The quiet man knew a betrayal was to come to pass.

When? How? Factors he did not know, but the burden of the journey past had settled so heavily about Usan’s soul that he could not shake the pain from himself. Shen almost wished he could share that burden, could take the load from off of the others back and try with all his might to push against it… but as his gaze fell to the dancing entanglements of the grassy knoll he realized that the hole within him had swallowed those emotions up. Oh, he still remembered their _faces_ , the caterwauling of their agony, the smell of their bodys shorn in two… but once there was a stabbing, poisonous feeling that accompanied them… and now there was _nothing._ Those horrors were moving pictures in his mind and he was an onlooker now, a weary pair of eyes recording the history of the most heinous killings ever to befall Ionia.

With the fluttering of his eyes closed Shen, still and finger-linked, understood that his teachings had come to fruition. Free of emotion… or, as he felt Usan’s eyes burning upon him, _crushed_ by restraint.

“And so you follow your father into nothingness.”

Their gazes met, empty and full, burning and icy, blue and red.

“I have never had any other choice.”

“Really, Shen?” The young heir knew that tone; Usan was failing at holding back his spite. “Then I would ask you but one thing.”

“Yes?”

“Would the next Eye of Twilight, so cold in his ways and so forgetful of emotion, _ever_ make an exception… for love--”

“Don’t, Usan… _please_ , do not--”

“When you would step forth for the title, what would happen to me then? Would you cast me aside? We both knew it was coming, b-but you _assured_ me you wouldn’t be like him _._ ”

“I am _not_ like _him._ ” Shen’s voice quivered then, only slightly, with the beginnings of his own anger. He knew his lovers quarrel was with his father and not he, but the other males irateness was beginning to stess him. “I promised you I would _stay_ with you for as long as I breathed; and I intend to _keep_ that promise.”

“So I am to sit by your side while you keep murderers alive in the name of balance?"

"How many times must I talk about our _lack_ of power and how we **cannot** change what has come to pass?"

The reality of decisions past hung in the air like an oppressive force, baring down upon the young lovers in a way that made them both shake to the bone. They had known that in the pursuit of such evil that they would lose themselves bit by bit to the horror and anger and fear that the world had been brought to its knees by, but perhaps in the back of their minds they had hoped… they would not lose _each-other_ in that strenuous process. Cleaved in half by the wayward babblings of their master, the final gavel had come crashing down to set in stone a verdict that neither wanted-- and there was nothing they could do about it.

Usan did not find himself so entitled as to drag Shen’s feelings through the mud, but there was so little left _there_ that as he kept the eyes of his lover in his sights that he found himself staring back at nought but a stranger, ragged from the road. One man decorated in plucked up flowers brought to heel against his will and powerless to stop what had already been set in motion, a man that had his fate premeditated and trod the stones downwards onto a slope that led to a world of black and white. Right and wrong. Good and bad. _Balance._ There was nothing they could do about it.

Shen did not find himself defensive, for he knew the other was right. As he looked upwards from that monochrome world he saw the white haired man standing upon a ledge with light blazing about him in the many hues of the rainbow, life teeming, the world turning. This was a man that, one by one, took those flowers from his hair and scattered them to the ground to find use against the soil. He had been born into shoes that he was fast filling, the heir to a legendary group of peace protectors formed centuries ago… and there was nothing they could do about it.

The tension was fizzling out into nothing but smoke as they both sat there, sharing gazes and examining the hard lines upon each other's face. There were things unsaid, things that they both hesitated to ask for they lacked the bravery to face what was surely coming to be. How wide the space between them seemed… it was festering and growing, just like it had before with the explosion of violence that had snuck into their lives with the intent to smother and suffocate. After the silence had become unbearable... there was no corner left to run to.

“We... have finally run out of time.” Shen’s voice bore the barest threads of sadness. “The world changes, and you move with it.”

“Whilst you stay in its past.” Usan only just managed to keep his own tone free of negative emotion. “Ionia is marching to war… and I will not see it’s people fall with it.”

“You and I have given so much to this world… and it shall take from us still, in the way of blood and love.”

“... Such is life...”

“... Hmm.”

“... Where… does this leave us?”

Usan’s fingers found the back of his neck as he stared out wistfully towards the rolling hills, the agonizing chill that swept over him making him feel as numb as a winter’s shower did. If, in that singular moment, he could disappear from the world and never return he might well have taken that route, for he had been loveless before until Shen had stolen his heart. Stolen it and kept it safe, filled it with wondrous joy and indescribable warmth… and no longer did Usan know what it was like to be alone. That man across from him had become his world, his gentle, strong, supportive world that had made him feel like he was not just another peasant boy… but that he was someone _worth_ loving. No, there would never be another Shen. Never ever. That hole that was growing in his heart with every second would be a wound that he would carry for the rest of his life, and he did not need a seer to predict such a thing.

Those callous, snide remarks from before were never intended for his lover-- but he had used him as an outlet for his anger none-the-less. In that feverish war of heart and mind, as usual, his heart was beginning to hurt from the painful realization that he was only pushing Shen further away from himself... and yet; there was nothing more he adored in the world than this foolish, subservient man bound by laws and tradition. A man in the shadow of one he hated.

And now… now that same man was rising to his feet noiselessly, knowing Usan would do the same-- regret came crashing into him like star-fall, making him wish he had swallowed all those horrid words from before! The turning of his emotion staggered him, made his words burst from him in a shout--

“Shen, I- I'm sorry, I was too harsh--”

... And in an instant he found himself surrounded by mountainous arms he knew so well, words warm against his scalp in the same calm voice that he had grown to adore.

“Usan… you could be a world away, and I would _still_ love you. If fate tells you to go, if fate tells you to run to war, then I should tell you to stay… but my heart would never forgive me if I kept you chained to what vexes you so.” Shen moved his head only slightly, so that he could press a kiss against the others forehead ever so gently. “I **know** you… I know like the lark you chase the breeze no matter where it goes, to places where those who struggle in the mud need a river to wash away the horrors of this world.”

“Am I a bird, or a fish…?” Usan murmured tonelessly, the corner of his lip quirking upwards despite the tears gathering at his eyes. Shen allowed himself a mild chuckle.

“You… you are a changing of the day or the wheel or a cart or… or a soldier marching in time to the drums of war,” Whispered, barely audible, “... Always moving forwards, for time never stands still for you. But never fear, Usan. No matter how far you go, no matter how many moons come to pass and no matter what happens to Runeterra… I will love you--”

His breath was stolen away by the meeting of their lips as the young Zed stood upon his tiptoes to kiss him, arms looping about the other males waist as their bodies melted against one another. When the accoster spoke he did so with his lips gazing the other, in a tone that was breathless and dizzy,

“You’re too poetic… how am I supposed to match that?” His mumblings made the tanned skin of his lovers face glow red,

“We were having a serious conversation…”

Ah-- a sudden scowl saw the white haired male back on his feet, a hand spread against the others chest with a deep frown upon his face. Just a few moments were needed to pull himself together, to chase away the crippling, agonizing sadness that was pounding in his chest.

“If you say you will still love me when I am far away, then I believe you.”

“... I was meaning to imply that love cannot be shattered by time or space--”

“Shh, shh.” A quivering finger pressed against Shen’s lips as he gave another laugh, this one hopeful as a single tear rolled down his cheek. “Stop talking for a moment. I believe everything you said and _whatever_ you meant to imply, but you never answered my question from before… so if you could soothe my inner doubts then I would be most pleased.”

“Yes?”

“Can you _promise_ me that when you take up that mantle of yours that you would allow for love to be the _one_ emotion you do not discard ...?”

The very notion would send his father’s anger skyrocketing, for the very notion that the Eye of Twilight had such a weakness was almost inconceivable. What happened if the enemy knew and took it out upon his beloved…? What if the allowance of love caused a collapse of his mental wall, and suddenly he was able to feel _happy_ again freely…? It was a dangerous ask for sure, something that if asked by any other than his darling Usan would be shot down in an instant… but this was different. This was the light of his life, the man who he would kneel before if asked, a living thing that made him feel like he _himself_ was still alive-- a man who was powerful to do something that none other could; make him _question_ his duties to his father.

The man’s mind spurred itself into rational thinking about weight, counter-balances and his place in the world. If balance could be applied everywhere, to life _itself_ and whether one should live or die, then was it sacrilegious to apply the scales of balance to _himself?_ Why, if he was a warrior of Ionia on one side, what was there to keep his mortal self grounded if he was to shed all emotion…? Never did the thrill of perhaps going _against_ his teachings burn so strongly. A weapon, a slayer of beasts… but a person. No amount of neutrality would rob him of his beating heart, of those days where he lived captured in the others eyes, for he could shed all the humanity he wanted but Shen was still flesh and bone. Still a _person._

There was an intrinsic flaw to the notion of The Eye of Twilight.

A human blessed with spirit magicks and archaic titles was still a human. The voice of Mayym echoed in his head, words of how kinship and bleeding hearts bred impartialness in missions; but he would not listen. Would they see him robbed of his adoration of Kennen, his best friend, his mentor? Or perhaps take away his affections for little Akali, she who looked up to him as a father…? Shen gritted his teeth and found resolution then and there, staring into the ruby eyes of his lover.

“I will not discard my endearment… I will keep it a secret. Do you understand what I am saying, Usan?” His hands rose to touch the sides of the others face so gently it was as if he feared he’d shatter the other in two. “You, Kennen, Akali… I trust you three with my heart… and my father shall never know.”

“Then be I bird or fish or wheel or whatever else you would liken me to… I will love you, and no matter how far I stray I _will_ return.” Usan, as emotional as always, was keeping himself together by thread-bare spans of silk that were threatening to break with every word he uttered from his mouth. “I… I was so scared, that…”

“That I would rid myself of the love of my life…?”

“Well, I _was_ being harsh on you…”

“You judge the sins of the father so strongly against the child.”

“No I don’t,” Usan growled, clawing at the front of the other’s shirt. “I just so happen to hate your father in particular.”

“That’s a lie, you hate everyone _equally_ \--” _Thud!_ Shen ‘playfully’ pushed the unassuming Usan over so quickly and heavily that the other male staggered and yelped, falling down with the sheer shock of the motion leaving him stunned! Immediately he was assaulted by their masters heir, who came to a kneel and pressed a hand against the others stomach, pinning him there with a sort of half smile lingering upon his face.

“You have spoken strong words today. Enough. If our time before the war is fleeting, I do not wish to spend it with you being either antagonistic towards me or tearful.”

The younger ninja’s eyebrows arched upwards, fixing his expression into something between a huff and a sneer. It held little bite.

“Your attempts at subduing me will not make me forget what he has done, Shen.” He huffed, running a finger down the others arm… “I will _never_ forgive him. I will put my hostilities aside for now… but they will arise in the future.”

“I know… I know.”

“But for now… you have upset my _literal_ balance, and now you must make up for it by getting down here _with_ me.”

A throaty growl saw Usan briefly sit up _only_ to grab the tails of the others shirt in order to tug him downwards; and the force wasn’t enough to make Shen move… but he moved anyway. With a faint, pleased grin he came to lay beside his partner so that the smaller man could clamber atop him, dispatching sweet kisses pressed his jaw line, warm against the rising hand that captured his cheeks…

* * *

“He’s dead.”

A roaring all around them; the Kinkou order were falling beneath the blades of Zed’s own order, fleeing from shadows that circled them like the wolf to a rabbit. There was blood in the air, blood that saw those old stone walls glisten beneath the fading moonlight, and Shen felt the world itself stop the moment those words had fallen from those lips… the man needed nothing further to be said. There was no more time for any more words.

“How… how could you--”

“I did it for _you_ \--”

“Did your **hatred** and **anger** drive, drive you to such, such,” Shen felt breathlessness close in upon him, “You… _you…_ ”

The answer came back softly, so softly it was almost stolen away.

“I… am _sorry_.”

There went color, there went love. Those youthful days burned up to ashes scattered about his feet as everything became hazy and monochrome. The human within him, like a single flower drowning in the blood of a battlefield sunk beneath the surface and withered. A betrayal of words he could rationalize, ponder upon and analyze, but a betrayal of the heart… once upon a time he had wished to preserve that trusting, beautiful, natural side of him that had not succumbed to stone and emptiness, but in that moment he found no more reason to.

His father was dead.

“N… next… time I, I see you, Usan… _Usan…_ ”

“You’ll kill me,” Zed assured, hands trembling so hard his blades were clattering, “You’ll kill me, Shen.”

Zed himself had once preached the philosophy of a life for a life, or rather, one life for _many._ That night, when everything came crashing down at Shen’s feet, he watched his Usan-- no, _Zed_ \-- disappear into the darkness with wild, frightening eyes that were filled with sorrow… and refused to feel _anything_. The air was teeming with fright and violence, and he had people that needed him evermore; without hesitation, the Eye of Twilight took his blades from his back and readied himself to defend his home. In that moment no pain could come to pass, no sadness could move his steely heart. There would be time later to weep, to lament, to howl to the starless sky for what had transpired… but for that moment, a single tear painting a trail against his cheek would suffice.

Somewhere to his side, within the darkness of the forest, he heard the pained roaring of the other half of his heart call out to that very same sky in unrepressed agony… and bit his tongue to silence himself, bit so hard that the tip was entirely cleaved off and blood spouted in his mouth to mingle against his teeth.

“No… Usan… I-I won’t. Because… neither space… nor time…”

* * *

Upon his knees, Zed let those tears dampen the earth.

“I will _never_ forgive him.”

* * *


End file.
